i am neurotic.

Every morning when I wake up I have to clean my ears with two q-tips. Every time my ears are wet I have to clean it with two q-tips. Before bed, two q-tips. I go through 10 q-tips a day just cleaning my ears. I am so terrified of dirty ears.

I always eat all the broken bits of chips from a bag and indulge the whole ones for last.

If someone texts me a text that starts with a lowercase letter, I get nervous because that means that they deleted their original thought and maybe they’re keeping a secret from me or trying not to insult me.

I am constantly correcting grammar mistakes as people are speaking and texting.

Every time I notice a security camera I look directly at it and wink then continue to walk past. I wonder if anyone ever sees me…

Whenever I walk into a public restroom, I instinctively look around for somebody or something to assure that I am actually in the Women’s. No matter if I have the checked the sign outside twice already. No matter how many times I go into a public restroom.

Although I’m not a vegetarian, I cannot eat any food that is shaped like cute little animals, such as Marshmallow Peeps. This does not include Animal Crackers, however, because I believe that lions, tigers, giraffes, and other zoo animals are hard to sympathize with.

I can’t stand it when the drawers on my dresser are sticking out, or if they are pushed too far in. I have to check to make sure they are flush with the rest of the dresser. If there is anything sticking out, like a sock or shirt, I have to go back and push it in and recheck all the drawers.

When my cat meows, I always need to address the noise as if it were human conversation. I feel that if I ignore her, she’ll feel badly about our relationship and not love me anymore.

I will only drink coffee with a straw. I am terrified the coffee will stain my teeth and I take great pride in my pearly whites.