i am neurotic.

Ever since I was little I have been terrified of worms. Seeing them, even in pictures, makes my entire body shudder and when it rains and they come out I can’t bear to look at the ground because I just know they’re there!

Ever since I saw the movie “Arachnophobia” I have to hit my lamp shade before I turn the light off for fear that a spider will fall down and bite me and kill me. If I’m really tired I won’t even turn the lamp off for fear that I might forget to tap it.

For as long as I can remember; whenever I’ve used a staple remover I’ve imagined it to be a very small shark, hungry for staples and make a “homer like” chomping sound at the moment of staple removal.

If it is dark in a hallway or stairwell I must run because I fear a octopus will grab me from behind. Yes, I am afraid of the dark also and have had a black light for a night light for almost 12 years (it has never been turned off).

My mom has a tiger-skinned rug on her living room floor. Every time I walk by it. I’m extra careful not to step on it because I’m afraid it will turn around and bite me.

I can’t walk under flying birds, not even one. I fear that they will poop on me.

Butterflies scare the living shit out of me. When I was younger, somebody told me that if I touched a butterfly, it would never fly again. I was already not the butterflies’ biggest fan, but this was the final straw. I know they’re not going to get hurt, and I’m not going to be in anyways injured by them, but I remain horribly scared of them to the point where I go and walk the opposite way of them and cross streets just to avoid them.

Whenever I sit down on a couch in an unfamiliar house, I have to either prop up my feet or sit cross-legged because I just know that there’s a cat hiding out and waiting to bite my ankles.

I can’t look at my cat for more than 10 seconds. in the night, when you shine a light into a cat’s eyes, they look blue and reflective. i always think that they are lasers that can read my thoughts and memories, so whenever i look at my cat, i have to think, “GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” and kick the cat.

I have to eat the ears of the chocolate rabbit last. If i bite his ears off first, i feel that he’ll be upset because he can’t hear me apologize.