i am neurotic. » death

sorry but there’s only room for one.

admin — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 15:06:48 +0000

Whenever I have to kill a spider, bug or fly that’s gotten into the house, I always tell them I’m very sorry for killing them but they can’t live with me.

dead bodies in ditches

admin — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 17:39:44 +0000

Whenever I walk by a secluded ditch or creek, I have to check to make sure there are no dead bodies to be discovered there. Just to confirm that I’m not part of a headline that reads “runner discovers body of missing person.”

marley the dog, not bob

admin — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 14:30:16 +0000

I refuse to read the book Marley and Me because I know that the author is eventually going to write about the dog’s death and I’ll cry. Even though I work in a veterinary office and deal with the death of pets on a regular basis, I refuse to read the book because I want to save myself the heartbreak.

cut up by a ceiling fan

admin — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 18:44:58 +0000

i can’t put ceiling fans on the fastest setting because they start to shake and i am afraid they will fall off the ceiling and slice me up. even in the hottest weather, i can’t have them faster than the medium speed.

hold me back

admin — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 18:56:37 +0000

I don’t like riding ferries or being on anything high without being completely enclosed because I always feel compelled to just lean forward and let my body go.

carjackers murder because of off-key singing

admin — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 18:30:11 +0000

When I’m driving, before I can start singing along to the songs on the radio, I have to check the backseat for carjackers, because heaven forbid they hear my off-key singing and decide to kill me on principle.

death by traffic light

admin — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 13:15:55 +0000

I will not drive on windy days because I am petrified that the traffic lights will fall on my car and kill me. If I have to drive I make sure to take side streets, even if its takes twice as long.

breathing fire

admin — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 19:29:06 +0000

Whenever I smell gasoline, I try to hold my breath, because I’m afraid that if I breathe in the fumes and the fumes somehow ignite, my lungs with be burned inside of me and I’ll die a horrible fiery death.

keeping an eye out for my parents

admin — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 18:28:17 +0000

when I was little I used to have to sleep with the open part of my pillow facing the direction my parents were in the house. Otherwise, I thought they would die. Even if I was at a friend’s house, I would face the pillow in the direction towards my house.

for real, i love my life

admin — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 14:44:32 +0000

Whenever I hear myself mutter “I hate my life” when I’m having a bad day, I always have to immediately say “I love my life. I love my life.” so that God doesn’t think I’m ungrateful and create an accident for me to die in.