i am neurotic.

I hate bending over to pick things up in crowded areas. Not because I’m lazy just because of my irrational fear of someone farting in my face. My sister mocked me for it, but now she finds herself fearing the farts as well.

Whenever I’m in the passenger seat of a car, I occasionally blink in sequence with the spaces between the lane dash marks. And when I force myself to look away, I continue to blink sequentially on instinct only to continue looking back on the road, picking up where I left off.

Whenever I’m on the city or school bus and looking out the window, I have to blink whenever the lines on the sidewalk are exactly next me. Or I have to blink whenever I feel that the bus is in between the separate panels of sidewalk.

I have a fear of running on pavement while barefoot and tripping onto my toe, scuffing the front of it and my toenail on the ground. Because of this I always wear shoes in the summer and walk very carefully if they are open-toe.

Whenever I am around people who are barefoot or wearing sandals I count their toes multiple times until I’m positive there are 5 on each foot.

Every morning when I curl my eyelashes, I have to keep the curler on my lashes for a count of 60 – it doesn’t matter if it actually takes me 60 seconds or not to count it; I just have to count to 60. Per eye.

Ever since I was a young child, I could never use lipstick. I had this irrational fear that somehow I would accidentally eat it. To this day I can still not apply lipstick directly but if I use it I must put it on my finger and dab it on.

I’m convinced that the reason I can’t get a date is because my nail polish is chipped. My nail polish is chipped because I compulsively pick at my cuticles and nails. I compulsively pick at my cuticles and nails because I’m constantly worrying that I’ll die surrounded by cats, after a dateless life due to chipped nail polish.

I am terrified of having my ankles slit – totally irrationally. This has led to a fear of people behind me. I always have to stand with my back to a wall so I can see everyone in the room. No one can open doors for me, because I can’t have them walk behind me. I pretend I’m a feminist – but really I just don’t trust them!

I must wear sunscreen every day (sunny or not), and every night too. Otherwise, my face will get wrinkled and old in a few hours.