i am neurotic.

I have three alarms set on my phone. I always make sure my last alarm is the song, “Perfect Day” from the Legally Blonde film. If I don’t hear this song in the morning, I feel like everything that could possibly go wrong will happen.

Every time I turn off my car, I have to make sure that whatever is playing on the the stereo, radio or CD, is sufficiently “cool” in case someone gets in my car with me the next time and thinks I’m a dork for jamming out to something not hip enough. I feel like people would judge me for listening to certain radio stations.

I am a singer and that means I must practice to keep my voice strong. Well, I must practice in a large room with no audience. If I know someone is coming, I stop singing because I think these people are secretly judging me like Simon Cowell does on American Idol. If that’s not bad enough, if I don’t see someone coming and I continue practicing and then I notice the person, I think he or she is extremely rude for not introducing his or herself. I mean, if he or she wants a show, the least he or she could do would be introduce his/herself … right?

I have this deal with itunes that I like all my music to be at the same playcount. So I want them to be all at… 47. and if 12 songs are at 46 I have to listen to all of those 12 songs before i can listen to a song that is at 47.

If I’m listening to music at work or in my car I have to wait until the song is over before I can get up and pause the player. I’ve almost peed my pants before because of it.

When ever i’m doing busy work or some boring task i sing/hum the same song “why can’t we be friends, why can’t we be friends…” and i realized this has been going on for over ten years now. I don’t even care for that song.

Whenever I watch a movie, I have to leave the credits on until I can turn it off right after the song playing. If I miss it by a few seconds and the next song starts to play, I have to sit through it till I can turn it off. I’m also like this when I’m reading. I never put down the book until I’m done with a paragraph.

I purposefully try to avoid learning anything personal about my favorite bands. When i was younger, i ended up obsessing over a band so badly to the point that i had to purchase anything that even taglined their name on a magazine, no matter how ridiculous the merchandise was, or how mundane the offered information was. i felt like if i didn’t know absolutely everything about the members, i was a bad fan. luckily, the frontman was dead so the band no longer toured, otherwise that would have been the death of me.

i am postive that people sitting next to me on the bus are judging me on whatever music is playing on my ipod, even if they don’t even glance at me when i sit down. i will try to cover the screen so no one sees it. if it’s something top 40 playing, i imagine other people think i’m incredibly lame and boring. if it’s something more indie or obscure, i’m sure they think i’m pretentious. it’s worse if someone cute/close to my own age is next to me.

My cat cannot be around anyone holding or even touching a guitar. He has no problem with a guitar on the wall, sitting on the bed next to him or music being played by a guitar. A person reaching for one makes him high tail it into another room.