i am neurotic.

Before I go to sleep each night, I have to stuff a blanket under my door, and make sure there are absolutely no little gaps where anything could come in. There can be no places where I could even mistake a gap for a shadow, it has to be perfect. If I do not do this, I can’t sleep. I feel as though something will slip under my door during the night and hurt me.

If I am in a bookstore and pass a stack of books that are not aligned properly I have to stop and straighten them. I pretend to be browsing the books, so people don’t think I work there, or doing something odd.

Every time I order a hamburger, I get ketchup and pickles. Every time. I then proceed to check under the bun and rearrange the pickles to my liking. After that’s done, I eat all the edges of the bun off. Then, I eat around all the pickles. Finally, when that’s complete, I eat the hamburger, eating the bites with the smallest pickles first and the biggest ones last.

There are a handful of local stores that I frequent about once a week or more. When I go to these stores, I have to park in the same area. At each store , I have a favorite row or area and each time I go I must park in that place. If its full, I go home and come again another time. If someone else is driving , I get very upset if they refuse to park in that same area.

When I want a drink and I go to get a glass from the cabinet, I have to slide the first glass to the left, take the second glass, and then slide the first glass back in place! I guess I feel that the second glass had less exposure to outside germs!

The blanket on my bed has checks woven into it. When I make my bed in the morning, I must make sure the lines of the checks run perfectly parallel to the sides and headboard. Needless to say I have to get up extra early every day.

If I drive in the rain, then park and turn the engine off, and my windshield wipers are frozen halfway across my windshield, I must restart my car again just to put them where they belong.

I can’t fall asleep unless the open end up my pillowcase faces the left side of the bed. It does not matter if I’m in a hotel, on a couch, or at home. I have tried many times to fall asleep with it facing the other side and after one or two hours of tossing and turning finally give up and flip the pillow over.

I use a clipboard at work. Whenever my shift is over, I feel the need to touch every corner of the clipboard with both hands and put it back in the drawer perfectly straightened. If something interferes with this strange ritual, I do it again.

I often times worry that light switches I turn off could be stuck between the on and off positions. Each night before bed I methodically check the switches in my house with a firm downward press. Occasionally, when anxious, I will make get out of bed to make a second circuit of the house checking all of the switches again.