i am neurotic.

I’m afraid of losing my memory soon so I have filled my room with small objects that I can tie to specific memories, and when people come over I encourage them to ask questions about individual things so I can try to remember.

Before I begin reading a new hardcover book, I always have to take off the outside jacket to see what the hardbound cover looks like.

i cannot abide long fingernails in porn–well actually in real life too, but especially porn. if i turn on some porn and see some woman double-clicking her “mouse” and she’s got long painted fingernails i turn that stuff off immediately. i can watch almost any kind of crazy bondage or dwarf on dwarf action, but if there are long nails anywhere i will turn it off faster than an ass-to-mouth scene.

Whenever I ride the subways I look to see how many people are/aren’t wearing wedding rings… both men and women. Every time I search I feel more at one with the fact that I’m not the only person without a ring, and when I see someone wearing one… I smile and feel happy that they found love. Sometimes I will stare at their hand until they move so I can check. I once read a statistic about the overwhelming amount of singletons in the city and I fear that I will always be alone while I am here.

Whenever I walk by a secluded ditch or creek, I have to check to make sure there are no dead bodies to be discovered there. Just to confirm that I’m not part of a headline that reads “runner discovers body of missing person.”

I have an intense fear of looking ugly in tagged facebook pictures. I HAVE to evaluate my friends cameras at the end of the night out to make sure there are no horrible pictures of me. If there are, I will delete them. They all hate it and try their hardest to hide the cameras from me, but I always find a way.

When I close my eyes, I see a jumbled up chaotic mess of grey and black..like jumbled cables. I have to mentally unjumble them before I can open my eyes. I feel like it is all the negative in my head and I am systematically clearing it up.

Every time I blow my nose I have to check to see what’s in the tissue.

whenever i am in front of the mirror i have to make quick movements and do obscure things because i am convinced the person i see in the mirror is not me, but someone hiding inside of it.

If there is writing or a picture on my cup, I have to have it centered facing me or I can’t drink out of it.  Also, if the cup has a lid on it, the writing has to be turned so it can be centered on the cup.